When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
I always took this song as being about contentment that translated into having a blissful, peaceful life. But once you get past the "peace like a river" it mentions "sorrows like sea billows roll".
"Sorrows like sea billows roll" can include anything from emotional turmoil, physical pain, to mental anguish. "Sorrows like sea billows roll" describes immense suffering.
This song is not about having a blissful, peaceful life, although it is about contentment. It's about assurance and a promise. It's about hope in a destination. Its about knowing deep within that there is something beyond this physical world that calls to our inner most being. It's about knowing we have a spark within in us that can and wants to respond to that calling.
And all of this in the midst of both peace AND suffering.
But for some of us, and if I'm going to be honest with you - myself at certain periods in my life, we can get to a point where our minds tell us the pain and suffering of this world is too much to bear. If we are chronically unhealthy or have experienced or are experiencing trauma, our thoughts can become irrational and erratic. We begin to think we want do anything to make it all stop.
Somehow our brains tell us lies, day in and day out. Our thoughts of hopelessness, fear and anxiety consume us. To escape the mental torment, we try to spend most of our time sleeping. And while awake we spend every hour begging God for healing, and if not healing, death.
Doctors and therapists like to diagnose it as this or that and throw some pills at it hoping they find the right cocktail. Sometimes it works.
Pastors and counselors like to assume and identify a spiritual problem and throw some prayer and scripture reading at it. Sometimes it works.
Mom’s first bout of depression occurred in her early 20s. She wrote an article that was never published about her experience. Circumstances collided that caused "sorrows like sea billows roll". As part of her quest for healing, she wrote she had accepted Christ as her Savior. However, she still briefly dropped out of college and stayed in a psychiatric ward because in her words, "I was desperate--I hadn't stopped thinking about taking my life, [and] even though I hadn't actually harmed myself. I was so afraid of myself."
She claims to have gotten some relief from her stay and subsequent therapy sessions with the doctor, but she panicked when he told her he would be going away on vacation for a month, thus ending her therapy with him. However, soon she met a new friend who came along side her and taught her how to open her Bible and have a "quiet time".
She wrote, "My mind gradually began to clear. Principles in this book actually make sense. They can apply to me here and now." She concludes the article with the following sentiment:
"Truly surrendering myself to the Lord's will made all the difference in my life. I could actually live life for the first time. I found pleasure in the simple things--a quiet sunrise, a glorious sunset. My perception of my surroundings deepened and enabled me to write poetry. I could share Christ in a natural relaxed way. Christ's Spirit caused me to care more about others and their needs. I found a spiritual family in a local church. My life took on new meaning and purpose.”
She continued:
"Although I will never completely understand why this experience happened to me, it definitely made me depend upon the Lord. The psychiatrist could only enable me to see that I needed to change. I had to do the changing, and I did it in God's power. I know now that I needed him to pull me up, to bring me to my feet so that I could ride the waves. With this knowledge, I can face whatever obstacles may be ahead, whatever course is laid for me."As many of you may or may not know, mom struggled on and off with depression throughout her life. She overcame it many times, probably using most of the lessons she learned the first time, some medication, and a lot of Jesus.
And this last time after all medications had been tried, and whether or not her brain could rationally comprehend her physical decline, mom continued to try to express her faith. She continuously requested prayer for the depression and anxiety to leave, for the physical tremors that plagued her body for the last four years to stop, and for peace. And to the very end, mom spoke about her desire to someday go home to be with Jesus.
Based upon my experience with my son Austin, who is missing many structures in his brain, I've had to come to the conclusion that our brains have nothing to do with that innermost light or spark of life that is truly who we are. And even if something happens to us like mental illness, a tumor, a traumatic brain injury, a stroke, or dementia so that our physical manifestation in this body overshadows that spark, and the world can't identify the current state of our heart, I think the the light within us knows. And God knows that light.
It is well, it is well...with her soul.
-----------------
My dad, brother and I each spoke (well, Dad and I read ours) at mom's memorial service. This is what I wrote/said for those interested or who didn't get to attend ❤️.Dad gave me permission to also post what he wrote/said too. I'll be sharing that when I get it copied into my blog.
Please take these things we are sharing as intended: i.e. honoring her memory and declaring our love we had for her, each in our own way. I hope you see that I mention her mental illness/mental health struggles only to paint a better picture of what she had to endure and what she overcame. I'm primarily speaking to myself when I write. (And if it can help someone else, then she has another lasting legacy in addition to what people already remember her for) ❤️.
Love to all.
No comments:
Post a Comment