Mantra for Moms: This is my life. It's an adventure. At least I'm not bored. (Repeat)

Last night I had the privilege of listening to a friend vent about this sometimes super, stressful life we live as moms of medically complex kids. I told them to lay it on me. 

But since we weren't face to face, but texting, I felt like I needed them to know I was actually paying attention and not just letting them type away while I was watching "Housewives" or something.

I could have posted emoji faces to try to convey my attentiveness, but I felt like sometimes that comes across like a mom saying, "mmm, hmmm" to her child when she's actually distracted by Ramona yelling, "Wow, Bethany, just wow!" (Which, by the way, this has become a standard response in my house whenever my husband or I become exasperated with one another. LOL.)

So instead, I tried to convey my listening verbally, but without trying to come across as giving advice (which is really hard!) because really once you have a chance to lay all your cards on the table, you'll know what card to play next. No one needs to tell you.

So I said things like (and now that I'm re-reading, they totally sound like advice, ugh - shut up Rachel!):

"...I think you will just know. If it has to be done, you won’t be able to NOT say anything..."

"...Keep expectations low ([at least] to yourself) is all I would say, maybe they’ll surprise you..."

"...You’ve got to be able to survive first to be able to meet family’s needs even if it’s meeting minimum needs. One minute at a time..."

And this last one which if I had the chance, I would rewrite and clarify a bit:

"I’m learning that suffering is ok. That I might actually learn to need and prefer it bc that’s when you are tested and get to overcome, you get to bump up against chaos and tame it, you get to have adventure instead of a boring life."

So I will take that chance now. I'd like to clarify (for myself too) what I meant by 'suffering'. 

I cannot speak to the kind of suffering that comes with chronic pain along with the ensuing mental and emotional suffering. Based on my observations of what my mom went through, I think it would be the absolute worst kind of suffering. And I can't help but wonder with all my epiphanies about living this life of suffering if I'd actually be able to apply them to a life of *physical* suffering.

And hey, God, if your reading this, I'd prefer not to find out right now, LOL. But if that is deemed as part of my story someday, I'd hope the lessons from circumstantial suffering might translate. Only time will tell. But please, God don't test me right now! (That's what we all hope and "pray", right? LOL.)

And I'm not referring to any physical 'suffering' that my medically complex kid might be experiencing. Because really, if I think he's suffering, sometimes its only because I'm projecting my own imagination of his experience onto him which is colored by all of my past baggage and experiences which he does not carry.

I can only go by his physical responses to his circumstances and my interpretations of his non verbal cues. So is he or does he suffer physically? My best guess, is obviously yes, occasionally. But it seems usually short lived, and very specific to an overcomable illness or medical intervention. And once the are resolved, he *does not seem to be plagued with the mental and emotional suffering that us neuro-typcial humans like to indulge. (*And I say all this because I 'hope' its the case.)

So back to my statement above. I 'think' I'm referring to circumstantial situations that we have an initial negative mental and emotional response (which, in my opinion and from what I've learned, is absolutely ok! Life is hard!). 

However, we usually prolong and create *more* mental and emotional suffering by milking it in our minds - which means we are dwelling in the past (which is over and done with and doesn't exist anymore) or projecting into the future (which we can only imagine and has not happened and also does not exist), and we are not staying attuned to the present (where we can actually respond, take steps, and make decisions during this actual moment in time).

So with that in mind, I'd also like to say (for myself, too) that I'm trying to redefine that kind of 'suffering' and not call it suffering at all. You can kind of tell from my text that I'm trying to redefine it as an adventure and a non-boring life. Back when I was kind of adopting this new definition, I even changed my FB profile bio to read:

My mantra:

This is my life. 

It's an adventure. 

At least I'm not bored. 😅 

(repeat, repeat, repeat...)

I see this every time I log into my profile and it's been a good reminder even if I'm not perfect at it yet.

So I texted them last night (and I hope they don't mind if I say the same to anyone reading this now!):

🥂Here’s to your very, very not boring life! 

I feel sorry for all those people with those boring lives!

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay