Dear Austin: I Hope

Dear Austin,

Where are you?

Do you remember how I was looking for you? Begging you to let me know you are alright?

I asked you to visit me in nature? And you sent me a lone bee.

I asked you to visit me in my dreams, and at first, you refused. 

Every night I went to bed, hoping to dream of you, to see you one more time.

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And then about 3-4 weeks after you left me, you came to see me for a whole night in my dreams! 

I was able to wake up and go back to sleep without missing a moment, picking up right where I left off.

And remember what you did?

We were at a school or in a play room somewhere. I was sitting near your wheelchair when you suddenly decided to turn yourself around and try to slide out of the chair without my help. 

For some reason, instead of jumping up to help you, I just watched.

At first you stretched your longer leg down to the ground, testing it. It was strong.

Then you slowly slid your shorter leg (the one we called your Nemo fin) down to the floor until it made contact. It was strong.

You were tentative and wobbly as you let go, but the leg had somehow grown to match the length of your longer leg, and they held you up. You shifted back and forth, testing your legs. 

You turned and carefully walked away from me...and then you let out a laugh and ran! 

I was in shock. 

You ran and ran, around the room, to the big window, past other kids, to the other side of the room out of sight. You just ran without looking back.

Eventually you ran back to me. I gave you a big hug and told you how excited and proud I was of your new skill. You just smiled and laughed and ran away again. 

I didn't see you again in that room.

Later in the dream, we were riding a bus home, maybe from that place. 

The bus pulled over because there were some men in robes blocking the road. 

When it stopped, some of them boarded the bus and started evangelizing, trying to tell us about "salvation" and "the good news" and "the gospel".

I bluntly told them I didn't need to hear it, and I pointed to you.

I said, "Look at him, I have my salvation right here!"

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Oh, Austin. 

I hope the dream is true.

I hope you are running free and having fun. 

I hope you know I miss your little smile, and grin, and belly laugh. 

I hope you know that no one could have taught me what you've taught me.

I hope you know that I'm a better person for having known you. 

I hope you know that your short, difficult life had purpose.

I hope you know that I love you.

Oh, Austin.