My mother was always trying to take pictures. Trying to stop me from growing up. It never worked, as time kept on swimming. There are few events where I remember every detail. Christmas was always one of my favorite times of the year. Getting to spend time with family; without a worry in the world, or so I thought.
The day was December 23rd, 2016. My family and I had taken my little brother Austin, to get surgery done on his hip. There were only a few qualified doctors to do this procedure so to keep my family together during the holidays we all took a trip to Texas. The operation went as planned and seemed very successful. We were hopeful in that we could return home for Christmas.
I walked into the room he was resting in. There was a low, constant never ending beep, underlined by the motor of the oxygen machine. There is a certain smell in every hospital, a smell that encourages you to find the nearest hand sanitizer dispenser. A nauseous feeling of exhaustion clouds the room.
To look on the faces of my mother and father makes you believe zombies are real. They took turns spending the night in the dreadful hospital. Loss of sleep turned them into machines. Coffee being the fuel that keeps them running; while in their eyes, you could see the hell they have been through. Wishing, begging, and hoping for the release of a good night's sleep.
My brother looked like a marshmallow. Face and arms puffy as if he was a small fragile cloud in the bed of cloth. His eyes sealed shut; his enlarged eyelids like safe doors locking him inside his mind. The small wheezing sound as if breathing was the most difficult task in the world. The bandages over the sealed up surgery. Dried blood calls your eyes to its attention, screaming.
I tried to lighten the mood; a satire that Austin looked like the Michelin man, fell on deaf ears. There was no reaction. It was as if I had spoken to an empty room where my voice echoed in the eternity and fell swift by the blanket of silence that covered the room. Again the beeping of the life support reminding us of the terrible situation.
*Christmas Eve had arrived, with still no change. My parents still taking turns sleeping in the hospital looking over Austin. While the other tries to gather any sleep at all at the rental house with my older brother and I.
It was my fathers night at the hospital. When we had left he was there watching Austin; holding his helpless hand. At the rental house my mother, older brother, and I were drifting asleep. It was a cold silence. Nobody spoke and nothing could change the mood.
I finally found rest at midnight only to be jerked awake by a small riffling at the end of the bed. The small tug at my feet. My mother standing at the edge of the bunk bed. In the darkness I could not see her. The lack of light concealing her face, hiding her tears. I hear a whisper from the darkness, in the direction of a mother, scared for the life of her youngest.
“Your father just called, he said the doctors don’t believe Austin will make it through the night.”
She left for the hospital without another word. I felt alone. A loneliness of despair and hopelessness. I felt defeated with nowhere else to turn to... I prayed. I have always been religious and followed Christ but I rarely prayed. I cried out to God. Begging for the life of my brother. Asking to switch places with him if it is a life he required. I got no response. Lost as I remember as I doubting.
At my lowest point nothing was as strong or as powerful as what I felt after. A comforting warmth surrounded me, It was an immediate calming which stopped my crying. It spoke to me and said “Be still, all will be well.” A vision of Austin walking in my house in Arizona. Nothing was more real. My life had been changed. Nothing could ever make me doubt again.
My parents picked up my older brother and I. We saw Austin that morning and his condition was better than what anyone could believe. He needed to stay at the hospital for monitoring before he was transferred to Phoenix children's.
Austin got better and soon after we were a whole family again. Finally getting our whole family together in one place, we had Christmas in January. Together and whole.
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Jonathan wrote this as a class assignment in high school at some point in the last couple years. They were supposed to use a photo for inspiration. He had shared it with me after he wrote it and, at the time, gave me permission to post it on my blog. I remember wanting to post it close to the anniversary of the events, however, I forgot to do so last Christmas. But I remembered this year. Yay!
*The photo was actually taken and posted to FB and Insta on Dec. 27, 2016 as a late Christmas "card". However, in Jonathan's essay he wrote that the events occurred Christmas Eve. I found it interesting as well as disheartening that he records this as being an event that happened on Christmas Eve. It speaks to how tired we all were and how all the events were running together.
I decided not to edit the timeline nor did I do any editing grammatically because it's his words and his impressions and they are perfect the way they are.
Austin did get released from the hospital from his hip surgery on Christmas Day. He was puffy and lethargic, but they wrote it off as symptoms of being medicated and after effects of anesthesia so he was released. We were glad because we were ready to get back to "normal".
I actually tried to create a pretty memorable Christmas that day at the rental, relatively speaking. We microwaved our traditional breakfast of monkey bread and played Uno as a family while Austin tried to recover next to us. (You can read my version of all the events here...)
But I guess the fact that we had to rush him to the ER that Christmas night, and he fought for his life the next several days, kind of erased any memory of "fun" we tried to have on earlier that day.
If I remember correctly, which is probably just my own impression, the photo was taken after the doc told us that Austin may not make it and it was important for us to get the kids up to the hospital to see him one more time. Just in case. Michael had a pretty bad cold, but they let him come see Austin anyway.
I look at this and realize this really could have been our last family photo.
