She thought she’d “write” a little “something, something” while driving to work.
Oh yes. She works now. She officially started back in the fall when a few stars collided. It’s been about seven months or so now.
And surprise, she actually enjoys it. She feels useful. She never thought she’d work outside the house while, well….you know…Austin.
Although, maybe it’s not a real job. She works for her husband. She has the freedom to adjust her schedule to Austin’s schedule. So yes, it feels like she might be cheating a little.
But she gets to drop off Austin at school, go across the street, and do things that aren’t Austin. Real grownup things like billing and bookkeeping type things.
Working also has the added benefit of leaving little time to think about all the existential things, which means little time to obsess and mull, and little time to write down those thoughts.
So today she’s giving talking to her phone while driving a try. “Writing”.
The current thought-problem is that she has a friend who is mom to an “Austin”, and this friend is struggling at the moment. The friend is trying to do all the things; a people-pleaser like herself.
But what it really comes down to, in her opinion, is they are both SELF-pleasers. They have expectations of themselves that if they don’t meet their goals, they disappoint THEMSELVES.
Then, as an added bonus, they project these self-expectations on to other people as if it’s other people’s expectations too, when other people are probably just trying to get a read on what these moms want from them; how they want them to react; how much they want them to be involved. (And then these mom’s would, in turn, project that other people want to be involved as little as possible; so these moms will work hard to make it seem like they have it all under control; even if they don’t.)
For whatever reason, special-needs moms (or medically-complex moms - whatever they decide to call themselves) think they need to do it all; try all the therapies; see all the specialists; explore all possible answers. They feel like the world expects it of them, and they expect it of themselves. Noble goals until they realize most of the things are unattainable or make very little difference.
So this friend claims her primary goal now is quality of life, a happy kid; admittedly exhausted trying to do all the “above and beyond” things.
(Same here, friend, same…she thinks to herself).
So she suggested that her friend keep repeating this goal to herself and to everyone else. Make them hear it. If the world believes it, maybe the friend can too.
But what about herself? Can she take her own advice?
She’s put a lot of expectations on herself for this job, including goals to also keep doing what she had been doing with Austin. But, the expectations are obviously too high because she falls apart at the drop of a hat when there’s nothing to fall apart over; she feels exhaustion and physical pain trying to do more than she probably should be doing. She admits it. She’s TIRED.
THEY are tired, her and her friend. They need permission to lower their expectations of themselves, and they need to learn to manage other people’s expectations.
Because they have lofty goals.
Quality of life; a happy kid.
