She didn't know for sure why after eight years she thought she wanted another baby, but the thought had crossed her mind numerous times over the past year. There were many things different now than when they had kids before. She wasn’t working. And she was getting bored. She knew her husband would be for it. And her two boys were always saying they would love more siblings. So why not?
At 39, she went for her yearly “check up”, and her nurse midwife said something like, "If you are thinking about it, do it now before you are 40. The odds of something going wrong go up so much after 40."
“Oh my gosh, I’m running out of time!" Plus, she thought, she could do so many things differently this time.
For one thing, they might have a girl! And she wouldn’t be working, so she could spend all that extra time taking her baby on walks, reading to her, teaching her all those extra things her other kids didn’t know before kindergarten. It would almost be like having an only child. They could be joined at the hip. She would do all the things she either didn’t do right or allow herself do with the other kids. She would feed on demand. She would nurse until the baby girl bit her. She would hold her as long as she wanted to. She would rock her until she fell asleep. She would get one of those wraps that holds the baby next to the mother all day long....
Rachel, you write so very beautifully. Every word I read touches me. And every word I read confirms that I miss you....
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