As we get closer to Austin’s 12th birthday, I felt the urge to change the name of Austin’s Facebook page to better reflect his story. I feel like we aren’t in the more desperate phase of “Praying for…” anymore. (I mean, prayers are always accepted, needed even, obviously.)
I mean I heard myself accidentally say out loud to my husband the other day (more or less), “I finally feel like Austin is going to be here a while so I bought him his own puke rags with name labels!” So, yeah, it landed just like you think it did. 😂
I realize how weird it sounds and like I’m an awful mom, like I haven’t loved him fully.
But being told Austin wasn’t going to be compatible with life and that he wouldn’t or shouldn’t survive, I guess I’ve existed on the brink of constant anticipation of loss for years. And, for me that translated into building a wall around my heart and mourning early and often so maybe it won’t hurt as much if such a loss actually occurred.
Well, I guess with almost 12 years of surviving, Austin has ‘maybe’ convinced me that I can chip away at my wall a little and perhaps stop mourning his loss while he’s literally alive and lying next to me. ❤️
I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just been such a trooper all these years; choosing life over and over again even when things seemed dire. So there’s no reason at this point to expect anything different from him. He’s going to fight to live. That’s just who he is. 💪
So that’s why for now, I’ve changed his Facebook page name to Austin Chase: A Choosing Life Story.
Let’s all sit with it and see how it feels. ☺️
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